Inspiring Women Series - 2

 Inspiring Women : 

We all have super heroes in our life, we indulge in the world of fantasy by hearing about them.They have their own charm that make us proud and bring us smile and confidence.Likewise in real life we hear about superhumans whom we look up with awe, one such person is my ammamma (maternal grandmother)Mrs.Ganga.

   I have heard lot of inspirational stories about her and I'm extremely euphoric to share her lineage.My ammama was wife of a land lord and my grandfather is the headman of 18 villages.They were so rich with orchards and fields.My grandfather had two sons from his first wife,after she passed away he married my ammama.She had five children,one son and four daughters.It was a happy family until money created a mess.

     The villagers plotted against my grandfather along with the two sons for the property and there was a feud and clash in the family.It was dangerous to the extent of harming the lives,my grandmother made a very big decision of life,which any woman would dare to take.She decided to leave all the wealth in the village and move to the nearby town with the kids,who were hardly school goers.

       My grandfather was not ready to leave the village, she decided life is more important than money and moved out of the village.It was night time she did not have any money or valuables , she left everything back and walked out of the village with just a lamp which is lighted in the pooja room.She went to her cousin brother's house in town nearby and stayed for few days.She started a petty shop there,just imagine a lady with so much comfort sitting in a petty shop selling candies and titbits.

        The story actually took off from there,she believed in women empowerment right at that time.We could normally see a mother of four daughters will be anxious enough to get her daughters married away as soon as possible.But she is an exception except the eldest daughter rest were sent to school.She never ever pushed them into any hasty decision of getting married.When people came with alliance she turned them back telling all are studying and no one at present is ready to get married.

       The soceity ridiculed at her for sending her daughters to college,but she never bothered and supported her children in their studies.The fruit of her decision produced three professional women my aunt being a staff nurse,my mom a doctor and my younger aunt a teacher.Everyone were economically independent and did not need a man to satisfy their needs,my grandmother's dream was accomplished.What a great feat to marvel about? In our constricted soceity sixty years back...I'm super proud of her and I get goosebumps whenever I think of her decision to throw away her wealth in fit of a second.

She believed education is the greatest wealth though she was not educated.

What a woman!!! 

I love her out of the world!!!

She passed away when I was 4years old...miss you ammama!

Lessons learnt:

Education is wealth.

Money is just a thing and not everything.

Women empowerment.

Courage.

Happy Bhogi!

 Culture #Rituals#Bhogi#Newbeginnings

Every culture has a set of rituals throughout the year.

Rituals are a set of beliefs and practices followed by a group of people.

On the superficial look certain rituals could be brushed away without giving a deeper thought about it,but when it is probed we could decipher great keys that could keep our life on track in this world.

Rituals carry knowledge with them it is not just a boring thing which we do blindly because our elders do it.

We use lot of fancy terms and try to formulate theories for the same, such things are followed for eons without using a terminology.

 For example we have the concept of minimalism, which is to use necessary things for living and not indulging in extravagances.

We have the festival of Bhogi in Tamil culture where we discard the things which we do not use over a period of time.

Every year before the harvest festival of Pongal we celebrate Bhogi.

We welcome plenty of harvest for Pongal which needs space for which old things have to be discarded.

Bhogi is an adieu to everything that has served its purpose.

Celebrate Bhogi every year as a time to reset, alter and change the flow of life.

It is a pause button to weigh our choices, emotions, relationships, career and everything around us.

To start over a fresh beginning it’s always good to ‘let go ‘ certain things though they were precious once.

Every creature has a purpose we could hold on to it not eternally but till the time allotted to us.

‘Forever is a myth’ so though it hurts  ‘let go’.

Make the world beautiful by your evolving presence and welcome new beginnings.

Do not stagnate …flow!

© Aparna

Voice Matters :

On the cold night of 16th December 2012 watching ‘Life of Pi’ with a friend is a happy moment in a person’s life. Destiny is cruel to turn the next moment into a fatal one, creating a nightmare in every girl’s life.

Nirbhaya case sends a chill down the spine even on a sweltering summer day.

Justice delayed is not justice at all, and it took almost 8years to punish the rapists.

It is not just one incident, we have series of such brutality till date. Sakthi mills case in 2013, Badaun gang rape case in 2014, Unnao rape case in 2017, Kathura rape case in 2018 and Priyanka reddy rape case in 2019 are a few to mention.

Once a girl child is born it is a huge responsibility for the mother to protect her and I have seen mothers like kangaroos carrying their daughters in safe pouches.

We have come to a state where girl child could not be trusted with anyone, as the crime rates are steeply increasing.

 We are talking about feminism, women empowerment, economic independence and so many other things.

We witness women taking up challenging jobs and proving themselves in every field.

But there is a serious question before us  “Are women really safe?”

Have women achieved the desired liberation?

Just because we see women partying, drinking and smoking, that could not be taken as liberation.

Assaulting them on their sexuality is the worst thing in any woman’s life.

Educated and well read men feel that women are free of patriarchal clutches and feminism is not a necessary thing to discuss. People even feel we are overstating things.The sad truth is violence happens to women even now and we have to progress forward in bringing about a change.

Gender based violence mutates and takes up different forms which has to be addressed in literature. Today cyber crimes is another maze into which women are muddled up. 

Should we not address them unless women are really safe in the society

Unless she is not treated as an object.

Unless she has rights over her body.

Registering it and speaking up creates a change though not immediately atleast in near future.

Let us voice our sufferings and create a change.

Let us pave way for our girls to walk with their heads held high.

 © Aparna

CLOSURES

We don’t realise the importance of this simple word, that impacts hugely in our daily lives.

In this impermanent world where all of us are passengers we start our journey with a set of people and end our journey with different set of people.

In between we meet so many people whom we love,bond,hate,hurt,ignore and betray.

We suffer in many relationships which are close to our heart.

We don’t let go and willingly suffer creating displeasure and pain. 

‘Let go’ seems a simple phrase on paper but not in reality.

Sometimes it is better to give clear signals of closure to certain relationships that turns toxic to mental health. 

Relationships not necessarily romantic ones any association or friendships that steals the inner peace need not be tolerated.

There are people who shut down from us for  unknown reasons , we are surprised at such closures.But respect their decisions, try asking them the reason,if they are not responding, take the closure in right sense.

Healthy boundaries are vital to any relationship similarly closure is also an important act to acknowledge.

When the purpose of the relationship is over closure is the solution to open up new avenues in life.

To reach our destination we have to cross closures in life . 

We have to internalise them and include them as a way of life.

 © Aparna

Mertales#Bubble 4

The dream washed away as  waves wrap everything on the seashore. All dreams are swiped off

 leaving a plain vacant land. She woke up and was disillusioned, life looked long and dark as a tunnel. 

She could not decide if she could walk into the tunnel or step into a mire and get lost.

She had a hope that she would find a ray of sunlight at the end of the tunnel.

But hope is just a hope and it is far away from reality. Crowding thoughts in an alien land, tears welled up and she longed for a hand to wipe her tears. But it’s always our hands that could help more than others.

She started her journey as she did not want to give up on life. The time period destined on this planet should be valued. Every second counts as many long for it!

What should be the purpose of life? the thought kept on pouncing her mind.

She sat in a garden swing and tried to silence her mind.

She just saw two beautiful parrots chirping and flying,smile swiped across her face.

She could see a squirrel nibbling on a guava tree, there was a sense of happiness in the air.

Bees swarming and butterflies fluttering tranqulised the pain.

Universe conspires to take care of the wounded soul!

Mertales #Bubble3

The maiden wandered lonely as a cloud in the clear blue sky. She was new to the ways of the land, rules were strange and confusing.

The charm,magic and beauty were not cherished on the littered land. Despised and accused for every action she was petrified.

The heart that was a pristine river was turning  into a muddled pond loaded with resentment.

Weary of the endless complaints she rested under a shady tree for a momentary solace.

In her dreams she heard bands thronging, the scent of myriad flowers lingering in the air with  sounds of  laughter reaching the sky. Fun,feast and frolic filled the place.

She was walking in a snow white wedding gown adorned with pearls and diamonds along the aisle.

Wreath and veil were an addendum  to the impeccable beauty. Star struck she looked at her mate who was walking towards her.

Cosmos was loaded with love that was brimming out of the milky way. Surrealistic was the space, magnetising every speck to witness the rarest sight.

Universe a place of ambivalence is artless to hold the love in abundance!

Mertales#Bubble2

The ocean maiden doused in love, masked her tears and treaded on the terrain mindlessly.

Tears were condensed and turned into pearls, buried into the depth of the soul as memories.

Detaching the pearls may be fatal to her heart.

She lives with those pearls inside her oyster heart.

Oblivious so far in life she started looking around, the people, it was strange for a baby to understand the world once it comes out of the womb. 

She too felt the panic of a newborn but she was not able to cry.

Though she wanted to wail and let out all her pent up emotions,tears failed her like her loved ones.

Grief is not a blanket to be removed as we wake up from the bed. It is in layers and when you think, you are done with it, there is a layer beneath…it is a lifelong process!

Mertales#Bubble 1

Have you ever fallen in love that keeps you completely immersed in the deep blue ocean…where nothing exists?

Only you and your love nothing else. Everything around is blocked or shut!

You swim in bliss!unaware of the destiny!

And one fine day when you are thrown out of the ocean to face the real land.

You could not breathe on land since you belong to the ocean…you have gills and not lungs.

You pant, suffocate,writhe, wriggle for survival.

Death doesn’t embrace you and relieve you from the agony.It smiles at your sufferings and finally you get used to the breathing mechanism on the land.

Land devoid of love and charm…Nothing magical, just mundane even you mask your gills and start developing lungs.

Getting used to ordinary things is a punishment for an ethereal being isn’t it?

Inspiring Women Series 1

 Women draw strength from each other during the time of crisis and stand tall emerging out of their ordeals.In a country and society  where women are in a patriarchal clutch, being a successful woman is to be celebrated and appreciated.They are the real role models to get inspiration and face the challenges thrown .The women who inspired me are many and would like to pay tribute to each one of them through my simple writing.Wish to name this series as "Inspiring Women In My Life".

Inspiring Women: 1

Dr.R.Balalakshmi,that is how my mother is known,a doctor ,a gynaecologist,this profession during her time is very rare.She is the fifth child of the family ,has an elder brother,two elder sisters and a younger sister.Her dad passed away while she was in her first year of college.She took care of her mother till her last breath.She supported her entire family to rise up and married very later in her life.Her family her siblings were everything to her and helped them out of her way.She is such a hard worker and could work day and night without rest.Losing her husband within 15 yrs of her marriage did not deter her spirits,she worked relentlessly to be stable in all walks of life.As her only daughter I was treated like a celebrity wherever I went out in my place.The main credit for me in the soceity is being her daughter,though it had its own price which I have to pay.But I'm proud of my mom ,even at the age of 76 she is independent and conducting her own needs.She never resents that she is lonely or she has no one,I admire her courage to stand tall in life though the life has been unkind to her.Love you lots mom!

Lessons learnt: 

Hard work and never die attitude

Ungendering Emotions

Post for menfolk 😊all voices should be heard 😊

Ungendering emotions

When the term gender is discussed always it is to uphold feminine gender and uplift them from the patriarchal clutches.

Men are victimised too by this conditioning and rarely anyone speaks about their concerns.

When boys grow up they are always taught to be strong, which is not humanely possible.As they grow the piled up fears deep within is buried and they try to pose a brave face in social front. They undergo lot of turbulence by masking their emotions.

In life as we have ebbs and flows where we rejoice and repent in tune with the happenings.During vulnerable moments we breakdown and shed tears which is rather natural and has a cathartic effect. But boys are constantly advised not to cry, thereby curtailed off their mental health.

How could it be humanly possible to remain strong always and not to shed tears ?

If men are treated as human beings the vulnerable emotions are also to be accepted as gender neutral and tears are for all living beings.

Let us not giggle at men who prefer to be househusbands helping their family. 

Normalise men sharing domestic chores, by doing so we could rise more healthy relationships.

Let them cry their heart out and ease away their distress.

Let them not hold their valour every time masquerading reality. 

Fear, loss, grief and stress are to be addressed and not concealed.

As we see women as domestic machines, we have assigned men as money minting machines.

Let us unlearn this assigned role and do what we want in life.

Knight in shining armour to save a damsel in distress is a fairy tale and not reality. Let us rewrite our tales and bring new normal to our society.

© Aparna

Choose wisely!

Body politics

“Mother is an epitome of love and sacrifice “

“When you become a mother you become a complete woman”

What do these statements convey?

So if a woman chooses  not to have a kid then she is not considered a woman!

Like Raymonds make a complete man, such a gullible statement.

Patriarchy rooted deep into the system and women sadly safeguard them not realising that they are the prey to it.

When a young woman gets married and if she could not conceive, she is treated as an untouchable in the family as well as the society.

She shrinks herself by not participating in social events and starts hating the sight of monthly cycle.

Obviously infertility treatment centres, temples, poojas and homams are her resort. In the name of treatment hormones are pumped into her system leading to array of side effects.

Emotional stress, bloating , mood swings , nausea and so many nameless disasters follow the treatment.

In the name of extending the lineage, she suffers mentally and physically.

Register the truth sadly we are not in dire need of a heir to succeed the throne.

Do not exploit your own body for social validation.

Do not validate phrases like “barren women” throw them in garbage.

Stay happy and search for the soul’s calling and live a purposeful life.

Create your own identity, motherhood is not the only one there are plenty on the platter of life.

Unless you feel you need a child do not undergo this traumatic treatments.

Your body, is your right!

Choose wisely!

Live your life Queen size!